Why No One Talks About Loneliness in Your 20’s (But Everyone Feels It)
Loneliness in your 20’s: Why it’s Normal and How to Cope
When I talk to clients, friends, or family about their 20s, what I expect to hear is about how they had the time of their lives and did this and did that. However, rarely is that what they actually talk about. There is this idea that when you’re in your 20s you should feel on top of the world. You’ve just started or graduated college, you have a new sense of freedom and autonomy in the world, and you can do just about anything you want.
Why is it then that what people actually experience is sadness, heightened anxiety and depression, and just simply loneliness.
I was recently attending a colleagues presentation given to students at a local university on healthy relationships and dating. In the middle of the discussion with the audience a Freshman raised her hand and bravely shared how she used to have a bunch of friends in her hometown and moving to the University has been one of the hardest things she’s experienced because of the loneliness she feels. She went on to explain how “everyone has found their group” and that she must have missed the day where everyone paired/grouped up, leaving her to sit in isolation in her dorm room.
This vulnerable and lonely experience was unfortunately not the first time I had heard this tale about the person who says “everyone found their group… except me”. Loneliness is one of the most relatable and common feelings. Nearly 1 in 3 young adults report feeling lonely often or always, and loneliness is especially prevalent among individuals in their 20s.
Everyone feels lonely at one point or another throughout their life, so what can we do about it?
1. Remember that loneliness is only temporary.
If you let loneliness continue to creep its way into your mind and into your life, this temporary phase will last a lot longer than necessary. Pull yourself out of that negative lonely spiral and use this time to explore who you are. There is a difference between feeling lonely, and being alone. Become okay with being alone! Explore new hobbies, discover what your values are, try new things, and use this time to feel comfortable being with yourself.
2. Stop with the comparisons!
It may look like everyone has their group or that you are the only person who doesn’t have someone to hangout with, but what I can promise you is that is far from the truth! Social media exacerbates this comparison problem by only showing the highlights of peoples lives. Not everyone is out every single day, getting coffee with friends, heading to the beach, or spending every second with someone else. Not a lot of people post about their moments alone or enjoying a hobby by themselves. Keep in mind when talking to others or doing your daily social media scroll, that not all the pieces of their life are being shared.
3. Expand your range
Whether your in college or living in a new city for work, go beyond your comfort zone. Don’t think that the people on your campus or the people working in your building are the only ones you can make connections with. Join a gym with lots of people, look on facebook groups for those with common hobbies and looking for a buddy to join them (be safe of course), or try going on a walk or to a coffee shop in a different neighborhood.
4. Go to therapy or join a group with others who are sharing the same experience.
Therapy is a great way to get out of your funk and explore your feelings with someone who is there to help you in whatever way you need. There are also groups (if not in your area, look virtually) of people who meet because of shared experiences with loneliness or depression. The feeling of loneliness can be overwhelming! Everyone needs some extra help every now and then and it can be nice to talk to someone about it.