Therapy 101: What to Expect, How to Know If It’s Helping, and How to Choose the Right Therapist
Everything You Need to Know Before Starting Therapy
How to know if you should start therapy
Deciding to start therapy is a personal journey, and the reasons for seeking help can vary greatly from person to person. Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all process—each individual’s needs and experiences are unique. However, there are some common signs that it might be time to consider therapy.
You feel like you should be doing something or should be feeling a certain way but aren’t.
You want someone to talk to—a safe space to express your thoughts without judgment.
You have difficulty controlling your emotions and want to develop healthier coping strategies.
You want to learn ways to cope and thrive in different environments.
You’re experiencing relationship challenges and need support in improving communication or resolving conflicts.
You’ve experienced trauma and need help processing it.
You’re constantly feeling overwhelmed and need support managing stress and emotions.
You’ve noticed changes in your sleep, eating, weight, mood, or exercise.
How to choose the right therapist
Choosing the right therapist is an important decision, and I cannot emphasize enough how important the relationship between you and your therapist is, as it plays a key role in your healing process. Here are some factors to consider when making your choice:
Specialization: Some therapists specialize in specific areas like anxiety, trauma, relationships, or life transitions. Consider finding someone who has experience in the area you're seeking support for.
Therapeutic Approach: Different therapists use different therapeutic approaches. It's helpful to know what you’re looking for, and find a therapist who specializes in that approach.
Do they have experience in the area you are needing help with? Just ask!
Consultation First: Before committing to a full appointment, consider doing a consultation. Many therapists offer free or low-cost initial consultations where you can get a feel for their approach and whether they’re a good fit for your needs.
Culturally Competent: It’s essential that a therapist understands and respects your unique cultural background and identities. They should be able to take all aspects of who you are—such as race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic status—into account.
Comfort, Trust, and Instincts: You should feel comfortable with your therapist. Trust is foundational in therapy, so it's important to choose someone who makes you feel safe, heard, and respected. You know yourself best—if something doesn’t feel right or if you’re not connecting with the therapist, it’s okay to look for someone else.
Don’t feel pressured to commit to the first therapist you meet, it’s important to find someone you feel comfortable with and is a good fit for you!
What to expect in your first session
Starting therapy can be an intimidating experience, especially if it’s your first time. Many people feel nervous or unsure about stepping into what can be a vulnerable space. Rest assured, your first session is all about getting to know you. Think of it as a Q&A where you’ll have the opportunity to share about your life, family, work or school, support system, and what brings you to therapy. This process typically takes one to three sessions, and it’s all about building a foundation so your therapist can understand your unique situation and get helpful background information about you.
You’ll also discuss what you want to work on—whether it's stress, relationships, self-esteem, or anything else—and what your goals are for therapy. A big part of the conversation will also be about how you envision therapy helping you. How do you want to feel once therapy is over? What would success look like for you? The first session is your chance to get comfortable and start setting the stage for your work together. Don’t forget you can (and are encouraged) to ask your therapist questions too! Therapy should be a collaborative process.
How to know if therapy is working for you?
Therapy can be a gradual process, and it’s normal for progress to feel slow at times. However, there are some key signs that therapy is working. You may start noticing changes in how you feel, your behaviors, or how you approach life. For example, developing healthier coping skills, changing negative thought patterns, or making decisions that align with your values are all positive signs. Therapy also helps you build awareness and make adjustments in your day-to-day life. If you don’t feel like you're making progress, it doesn’t necessarily mean therapy isn’t working. Sometimes it’s a sign that you may need to try a different approach or find a therapist who better fits your needs. Be open and honest with your therapist about your feelings – communication can be key to finding an approach that works best for you. Therapy is a personal journey, and it’s okay to explore different options to find what works best for you.
Overcoming hurdles in therapy
Therapy is a deeply personal and vulnerable experience, and it’s normal to encounter hurdles along the way. One important thing to keep in mind is that everything discussed in therapy is private—this is a space where you can explore your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Also, remember that therapy is not linear. There will be times when progress feels slow or when you feel like there’s nothing to talk about. In those moments, know that those sessions can often lead to the most insightful discoveries. It’s during these times that you may uncover what’s truly underneath your everyday struggles or worries, offering opportunities for deeper understanding and growth. Be patient with yourself, trust the process, and know that even the quiet moments have value in the journey.
Final Thoughts
Therapy is an incredibly valuable tool that can support you through various stages of life. It’s not just a one-time fix; it’s a lifelong resource that can help you navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and promote growth. Whether you choose to do brief therapy, long-term therapy, or just pop in when you need it, having a therapist you can rely on is like having a resource in your back pocket. Life can be unpredictable, and it’s reassuring to know that therapy is always available when you need it. The values of therapy—understanding, growth, healing—are timeless, and they can continue to guide you as you move through life. Remember, it’s not about “fixing” yourself; it’s about learning, evolving, and having the support you need to thrive.